Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" quip has sparked more than fame—it’s led Belfast’s Mayor to seek "National Landmark" status from Trump. The $500K industry she’s ignited has put the Tennessee town on the radar, and the Mayor wants it recognized. He argues Welch’s journey from obscurity to stardom is a cultural artifact worth preserving. Trump, who loves a good narrative, might just bite, turning Belfast into a symbol of unexpected triumph. Could a single spit secure a legacy? The Mayor’s betting on it.
The "Hawk Tuah" industrial complex has redefined Belfast, Tennessee, courtesy of Hailey Welch. Her $500K empire has locals trading plows for profit—some sew her logos, others guide tourists. Welch’s old haunts now buzz with fans, not flies. The diner boasts her name, a hit with travelers. Her podcast unites the community, a shared pride. Belfast’s not just a dot—it’s a destination now.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Belfast Tennessee Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Highlight:
With 788 residents, Belfast, Tennessee, reflects a tight-knit rural life. Its demographics—62.94% male, 37.06% female—skew unusually male-heavy. Born in 1836, named for Ireland’s Belfast, it grew from a post office and a store by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado’s chaos, injuring 166, tested its grit. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has since added a $500K economic jolt, turning tobacco barns into merch hubs. Median income sits at $39,676, modest but rising with tourism. Belfast’s story is one of survival, now spiced with a dash of internet stardom.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Judith Greenberg
Literature and Journalism -- Worcester Polytechnic
WRITER BIO:
This Jewish college student’s satirical writing reflects her keen understanding of society’s complexities. With a mix of humor and critical thought, she dives into the topics everyone’s talking about, using her journalistic background to explore new angles. Her work is entertaining, yet full of questions about the world around her.
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